How do you pretend to stay happy when your so miserable? This question is weighing heavily on me right now. I KNOW that things will get better and this is just a part of medical school but it's almost too much. Warning Rant Time:  This morning I asked S how prepared she felt for her blocks tomorrow (testing) and she said not great.  I asked her if she was going to study with her friend and she said "It's kinda hard to study with someone when you don't know the material yourself". WTF!!!! I know that it's A LOT of material,but you claim to have been doing nothing but studying and you are NOT retaining anything.  Sweet Jesus!!  I am trying to be a supportive spouse but the communication that we had is gone. S no longer tells me her thoughts, feelings, NOTHING.  When I try she just cries..  This is so frustrating.  So  back to my original question.  How do I pretend?  I really need to because S needs to focus solely on school or all this hard work and sacrifice on my part will have been for nothing.  I told S this morning that I am no longer going to share my feelings or opinions and walked away.  S came down stairs a few minutes later like nothing happened, so my take is that this is what she wants.

Day 15

Day 15 - A picture of something you want to do before you 

die


Base Jumping

5 things I was never warned about before becoming a medical school wife

The school tried to prepare us (the spouse's) about the hardships we would face when our spouse entered medical school. They even have a "support" group for it, however, there are soooo many things that that didn't tell me and as I have entered into year 3 of this journey I'm learning them.

1. The week before the big test your spouse will become consumed with nothing
     but studying (I actually expected this) and will turn into someone you don't
     recognize.  They will be hateful, lazy, rude, and condescending.

2. You are NOT allowed to bring up problems in the marriage, finances,
     household chores, or anything else unless it has to do with how you can help
     them succeed in school...If you do, you WILL be blamed for any missed points  
     on assignments, bad grades, or just general bad days in class.

3. If your spouse encourages you to have a life outside of their bubble be warned
    THIS IS A TRAP!!!!! You will get the guilt trip from H&LL

4. If your spouse doesn't do well in school they can 5th year you (hold you back a
    year), kick you out, or make you repeat tests.  Needless to say we are on the 5th
    year track, which now means don't do well again..bye bye thanks for giving us
    your money but you are not going to be a doctor.

5. Unless you are ridiculously rich to start with, you will be below the poverty
     line...seriously?  I work a freaking full time job and we are still not okay!

Disapointment

It's really hard when your spouse tells you that they are disappointed in you and have been several times.  That word hurts almost more than it should. I know that I was told that medical school would change things but what I expected was not what is happening. It's much harder.

I'm mad and sad and in general just simply confused.

resuming the 30 Day Challenge... Day 14 (a year later)

Day 14: A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without

She is my world. The most selfless person I know.  Words cannot even describe this person...she is priceless.  I love you S!!