Day 18- A picture of your biggest insecurity

 

I swore to myself that I would never have a best friend again. I thought I was karmically destined to be alone in that department. I was right.  With the exception of only two people in my entire life, each bff has ripped my heart out and burnt it to a crisp. 

This time though I thought that I might be deserving of one and thought that I had found one, but just like the day changes to night so did this relationship. I am not so full of myself to think that I am totally the reason that our friendship has changed, but it's hard not too when you have been shut out without explanation. And in all reality maybe I am 100% the reason. I could just be that shitty of a person (I will definitely ponder that thought).

I have cried, yelled, and prayed that I would know why the friendship changed and what I did wrong but the answer is not coming to me. So now I am giving it to God and letting it go because these feelings I have are destroying me. I am now telling myself the truth for the first time that I have lost her and that just kills me. 

People are correct Karma is a bitch! and I must have been a terrible person (or maybe I am currently) in a past life and am just getting what I deserve.